Sunday, October 12, 2008

what God wants

mind is the problem.To live effectively in the world there are certain skills which are important.And such skills are sadly not taught in schools and colleges.They make people put knowledge in their brains,just facts.Its not even like the old days( which i have only known by reading in books) where they taught plumbing or repairing cars or drilling wells for oil. Its so much better if the education system burns away the books and one learns by DOING and learning from a master who teaches by showing how to do things.All knowledge just gives a false sense of ego-learned from the books i.e.

Reading about life skills is better in a way.But maybe equally dangerous. I don't know. I just want to be not scared in facing the world.I act strong and no one comes to know that I am not really comfortable.Wanting 3rd world war to begin, and everyone being drafted into it. Looking for a major upheaval so that I start all over again.Such flights of fancy.Bad habits,from doing too much music i guess.

and the title has nothing to do with the content. Just a song i was hearing. Roger Waters.And I put the song just to die down the happy noises i hear,as some stupid blokes play badminton(what a stupid game anyways)

Thursday, October 02, 2008


I head into a boxing ring, unprepared, weak and without a protective helmet. I pick any random fighter with a will to defeat that son of a gun in less than a round.I move within his range, keeping my hands down and allow him to beat me mercilessly.The ref wants to stop the fight, but i think it was just a bad strategy on my part and I will do better next round.Besides, I dont wanna appear like a pussy.So while I am on the stool I think of being a lil more alert.And then I see this distraction, those announcer girls and i dont plan. Next round, and I am all ready to break his damn jaw. I walk right into his jabs and once again i keep my hands down.real men dont flinch you see. And then he delivers an uppercut.I fall down. KO.

Why the hell do i loose?

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Aimlessness of being sad

How hard it is to not be sad.Sadness is such a waste. I never realised it could be worse than anger. Anger at least makes you DO something.Sadness just makes you reflect. And everything is diffused.And everyone who smiles is like mocking at you.Every loud word you hear is like someone yelling at you.I hate being yelled at. I hate loud words.I hate talks.I dont know why I am writing this.I have known writing to be a form of therapy.I am fishing for some kinda rest.I am fishing for some good things, some goodness. I would like to think that its just the fact that I am failing is making me sad.But the fact of others winning is making me sadder.I guess I am a bad person and all this mask of pretensions i wear is just falling apart.I am writing and deleting.It shouldnt be that way.I am wishing to talk with people who would just listen and maybe understand, but I know they cant. I wouldnt if I were them and they were going through this. Maybe I wouldnt have cared.Maybe they dont care either.what the hell.I might destroy somethings. I take things too personally.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

God Bless the Awake

How small is fear, a small dot
Almost a small dot, in
The white consciousness of his life
Heartbeats stretching into an endless
Echoes of train in an empty tunnel
Of course he would like to erase
Some strange mistakes
Freedom from the trail, a quest
To greatness by the time he dies
Death of fear must follow first.
A tiny dot, nevertheless.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Writers Block

What should I write? Writing is such a beautiful way to express oneself, ones thoughts and ones’ innermost core. Sometimes we don’t even know what our innermost core is. Sometimes we probably don’t want to know. Some fear, some guilt. Sometimes we write to express what we have read, the writing styles of people and sometimes we even take over feeling the same thing the author, which we read, experienced, without us really taking the pains to experience it. I find myself wondering what to write. I write stuff which is melancholy and sometimes profound. Am I writing stuff which I haven’t experienced? Am I as honest as I can be, and as original. Isn’t there a hint of Jim Morrison, a Kurt Cobain or some other person in my writing? I try my best to be original, but isn’t avoiding writing something which someone might have written about a kind of running away. A fear of comparison, perhaps. Or maybe a disgust at comparison.

Now playing: HENRYK SZERYNG - Chaconne
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Stupidity,superheroes and one struggling soul

How entrenched are we in this circle of life. The thought came to me suddenly on a Sunday morning. It wasn’t a precursor of some more thoughts of neither the same nature, nor a foundation for something grand and complexly philosophical. In fact the question just hung on its own. Alone and solitary and compelling an answer. But the question was rhetorical wasn’t it? And they have no answers; they just emerge from our cynicism and stand there, mocking us. I think one of the reasons this question came to me was the deep seated belief I have of life as it is versus life as it should be. I can’t just believe in life as it is, even though it’s a more pragmatic stance. I can be called an idealist and I think that all the creative work has been done by idealists, while the pragmatics just collected the fruits of the tree which the idealists planted. We are entrenched in this circle of life because we find that there are many forces which oppose our vision of life as it should be. There are various voices which makes us question our vision of ideal life. Such confusion! I have no respect for stupidity, ugliness and weakness. An ideal life will dispense of those life forms which show signs of the above trinity and it should. But it doesn’t. In fact the trinity is what is the norm and whatever is bright, beautiful and strong we call an exception. Life should be a celebration of living but it has made to be a load which we must carry with our eyes raised towards the other side- heaven or hell. We call the people who show life as super heroes and call mistakes and errors and weakness as ‘but its human’. What a sad way to see things, and how sad it is to live in a world which thinks of such things as virtues. How entrenched are we in this circle of life.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

for the good ol' times

Saby..i'm back and I shall write why did ya not miss me earlier so as to hasten my comeback.But i have returned and shall look forward to your comments.